But Even with Cruise Control You Still Have to Steer

The following is an e-mail I recently received.

subject: PERMIAS INDOMIE FUNDRAISING ON WEDNESDAY, WHAT????

INDOMIE INDOMIE INDOMIE INDOMIE INDOMIE


PERMIAS(Indonesian Student Organization) SELLING INDOMIE WITH EGGS AND MALING(Chinese Spam) AT DUDERSTADT CONNECTOR ON WEDNESDAY (Dec 7) AT 10AM TO 3PM.


WHAT? I SAID WE’RE SELLING INDOMIE.


WHAT? I SAID WE’RE DOING YOU A FAVOR.


WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I SAID WE’RE CHAMPS!


I SAID WE’RE SELLING INDOMIE BECAUSE WE’RE CHAMPS. WE’RE CHAMPS AND WE’RE TO ALL ENGINEERING STUDENTS NEEDS, BETTER THAN EATING AT THAT CHINESE RESTAURANT OR AT SOME SANDWICH PLACE. WHAT? BECAUSE WE CAN.


WE’RE ALSO SELLING A SECRET BEVERAGE. WHAT? WHAT SECRET BEVERAGE? WHY DON’T YOU COME TO DUDERSTADT ON WEDNESDAY AND FIND OUT YOURSELF? WHAT? YOU NEED A HINT? IT’S GONNA BE RRRRRRRRRRRRIDICULOUSLY TASTY.


I MEAN IT’S SO TASTY IT’LL MAKE YOUR MOUTH WATER LIKE YOU JUST SAW ZARA GOODS ON A 60% SALE. WHAT? IT’S SO TASTY THAT IF YOU THINK IT’S NOT TASTY THEN YOU’RE CRRRRAZY. WHAT? IT’S SO TASTY THAT YOU’D RETHINK YOUR LIFE ON THURSDAY WHILE REGRETING NOT GETTING ANOTHER PORTION ON WEDNESDAY. WHAT? IT’S SO TASTY THAT YOU GO RUN AROUND YOUR CLASSES TELLING THAM THAT WE’RE CHAMPS. THE CHAMP IS BACK!


IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WHAT THE CHAMP IS COOKING


==========
Regards,
------------- (name omitted)
WHAT?


The preceding e-mail would be better suited for a social experiment on shock therapy and PTSD, but instead the sender decided to unleash it upon the hundreds, if not thousands of unwitting students. I can't fathom the irreversible amounts of damage done to the demographic.  It vaguely reminds me of a haiku I have recently read:

Car stops near bike lane

Cyclist entering raffle

Unwanted door prize

I think this is a perfect analogy for this situation. Think of the students as cyclists; and the car as an Audi A8 - the message. The Audi A8 is the nice picture of the food in the beginning; as the car is nearing the biker, he or she may think "Wow, that is a nice car. Perhaps someday when I win the lottery I will buy a car like that, or maybe invest in giraffes instead. But that is a nice car, indeed." And the car, the message, has two ways of reaching the biker:

1. The driver would stop, roll down his window, and gently introduce himself and his topic:
   "Hello, my name is (name omitted) and I would like to tell you that we are selling Indomie at the Duderstadt center this Wednesday. That's December 7th, if you've forgotten what a calendar looks like. You can come if you want, but if you don't, that's okay too. I mean, I don't really know you and I suppose it wouldn't make any difference if you hadn't come and I had told you, or if you hadn't come and I hadn't told you anyways. It's your choice in the end. Now I am going to go in this pet store and invest in giraffes."
2. INDOMIE INDOMIE INDOMIE INDOMIE INDOMIE

Either way, the student (biker) is probably skeptical about such an event. Especially when the message takes the second way. It's no fun dealing with a half-deaf e-mail. I can see the conversation already: 

"I MEAN IT’S SO TASTY IT’LL MAKE YOUR MOUTH WATER LIKE YOU JUST SAW ZARA GOODS ON A 60% SALE."

"Well, I think I...Wait, what's zara..."

"WHAT? IT’S SO TASTY THAT IF YOU THINK IT’S NOT TASTY THEN YOU’RE CRRRRAZY."

"I don't even know what Indomie..."

"WHAT? IT’S SO TASTY THAT YOU’D RETHINK YOUR LIFE ON THURSDAY WHILE REGRETING NOT GETTING ANOTHER PORTION ON WEDNESDAY."

"Actually I'm kind busy on..."

"WHAT? IT’S SO TASTY THAT YOU GO RUN AROUND YOUR CLASSES TELLING THAM THAT WE’RE CHAMPS. THE CHAMP IS BACK!"

"Well I...Wait.....tham?"

"IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLL"

Perhaps I'm taking this too far. But the shock value of this e-mail was too much to bear. Oh no, emoting to the nearest people around me was not enough. This was not your normal excitement. I mean....the champ is back.