Proper usage of "Myah"

The time was 3 pm.
Two figures emerged in the distance, atop a hill.
One, aloof, and the other, aloof.
College life at its finest.

Upon muttering "myah"  many times with my good friend Jessica (college life at its finest), we pondered the appropriate-ness of a audibly conspicuous "myah" syllable in public. A brainstorm ensued.

"Myah" can embody a myriad of emotions - you name the emotion, there is a fitting "myah" to accompany it. Here are some fine examples:

• Happiness
• A joyful "Myah." Instead of letting loose a high-pitched squeak in your efforts to conceal your joy, why not let it all out at once?  MYAH.
• Sadness
• "Mmm" can be a syllable of resignation, often muttered at a low pitch. Why not make it fancy and round it off with a lower-pitched "yah?"
• Anger
• Next time you've worked up a considerable temper, try venting in a stylish fashion. Flail the arms, and let out a vehement "Myah!" That'll teach them not to mess with you!
• Surprise 
• You know those times where you're so surprised you don't know what to say? Why not remember to say "myah" whenever you're surprised? Now you'll never just jump around in place awkwardly with your hands over your mouth (a common action I see in Deal or No Deal).
• Desolation
• Say, for example, you are waiting for a friend at a bus stop. What if he/she had never showed? What if he or she had stood you up and dashed your hopes of a romantic bus date, full of awkward odors and body contact and potholes? Hinging on Anger and Sadness, a paltry "Myah" will suffice, accompanied by sad body language. Keanu Reeves does it best.
• Frustation
• There are times when, no matter how hard you try, you cannot get something right. Be it a rubix cube, a lateral thinking puzzle ("shoutout to my roommate homie original gangsta phat vince thanx for da tip"), or the recollection of a J-Lo quote; sometimes it just isn't your day. Contorting your face and pounding the pavement makes you look only like a ninny. Why not show the world what self-control and discipline you have by looking stern and resolutely stating, "Myah?" This well-drawn fox (not of my creation) does it particularly well.
• Confusion
• Myah is now a question.
• Reflective
• "Myah"
• "Myah"
• Pensive



Sophisticated. Austere.

• Elation
• You won a million dollars on Deal or No Deal. Rather than being trite and jumping around in place awkwardly with your hands over your mouth, why not scream, at the top of your lungs, "Myah?" You're a millionaire now. You do what you want.

Very fine examples of proper "Myah." Very fine indeed. Now I'm going to bed, because I'm tired. Myah.

How to get pumped

Coming back from a mildly exciting football game (read: UNDERSTATEMENT), I was ready to kick a large cast iron statue down and squeeze cumquat juice in my right eye. Willingly. What galvanized my persona in such a mindset?

Getting pumped, of course.

This was not your normal pumped. When I get pumped, I normally jump around and act visibly excited. However, in this case, you could not only see my excitement, you could also smell and taste my excitement.

That's right, it was very well possible to put my excitement into your mouth and taste it.

So how does one reach such a level of pumped? It's no easy task. There are a few essential steps you must take:

• You must wear appropriate attire. If you are planning on being excited for a soccer game, it is probably best to not wear a Scottish Caber Toss shirt, regardless of your affection for said sport.
• The event for which you are excited for must be worth the excitement. Being excited for a Firebird Football game is understandable, whilst my excitement for a music camp's annual dance is not.
• Your excitement for the event must be genuine. It's the difference between:

 

~ AND BETWEEN ~

~ OR, BETTER YET... ~

• You must have an appropriate outlet to express your excitement. Stay with a group of friends, or relatives you can trust not to tell the rest of your extended family about your grandiose undulation! That way you can avoid emasculation whilst still looking like an imbecile.
• DO NOT CONTAIN IT. You will explode.
• Accessories are optional, but they can be double-edged swords. Cowbells and boomwhackers are very appropriate, but if you don't keep them under control, you may end up with a miffed crowd around you.

Six solid steps to see maximum excitement within yourself. Now go do something exciting, like listen to Dale Carnegie speak, or play hopscotch with bears, or adopt kittens.