How to get pumped

Coming back from a mildly exciting football game (read: UNDERSTATEMENT), I was ready to kick a large cast iron statue down and squeeze cumquat juice in my right eye. Willingly. What galvanized my persona in such a mindset?

Getting pumped, of course.

This was not your normal pumped. When I get pumped, I normally jump around and act visibly excited. However, in this case, you could not only see my excitement, you could also smell and taste my excitement.

That's right, it was very well possible to put my excitement into your mouth and taste it.

So how does one reach such a level of pumped? It's no easy task. There are a few essential steps you must take:

• You must wear appropriate attire. If you are planning on being excited for a soccer game, it is probably best to not wear a Scottish Caber Toss shirt, regardless of your affection for said sport.
• The event for which you are excited for must be worth the excitement. Being excited for a Firebird Football game is understandable, whilst my excitement for a music camp's annual dance is not.
• Your excitement for the event must be genuine. It's the difference between:

 

~ AND BETWEEN ~

~ OR, BETTER YET... ~

• You must have an appropriate outlet to express your excitement. Stay with a group of friends, or relatives you can trust not to tell the rest of your extended family about your grandiose undulation! That way you can avoid emasculation whilst still looking like an imbecile.
• DO NOT CONTAIN IT. You will explode.
• Accessories are optional, but they can be double-edged swords. Cowbells and boomwhackers are very appropriate, but if you don't keep them under control, you may end up with a miffed crowd around you.

Six solid steps to see maximum excitement within yourself. Now go do something exciting, like listen to Dale Carnegie speak, or play hopscotch with bears, or adopt kittens.